


unsuffocated

by ImaginationReaper98



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), F/F, Female Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, No Smut, Platonic Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 12:06:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18716731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaginationReaper98/pseuds/ImaginationReaper98
Summary: She realizes, as Natasha pulls her into her room and shuts the door behind them, that they both crave a second to breathe, even when that means getting breathless under each other's hands.





	unsuffocated

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.

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Carol visits Earth more often than she ever did before Thanos, when her family was still intact and whole and _alive_. She tries not to dwell on that thought and goes to work, and she's been helping her allies take care of a broken civilization for three years now.

Carol arrives right when the sun has started to dip from the horizon, Nat greeting her with silence and a half-smile. Carol follows her inside.

The Avengers headquarters is always quiet, not the peaceful kind but the kind of silence that makes you want to pull all your hair out. Only Natasha had the capacity to even stay here. She deals with things like Carol does. She takes charge, does her job until the job takes over her mind and she avoids thinking about the unthinkable. But she does not forget, Carol knows. They _never_  forget. They're both cursed by it, for caring so much.

Nat pours her a glass of water. "So, what have you been up to?"

"Took down a massive galactical organization that took advantage of grieving parents, taking they're money in exchange for false promises." Carol says.

"How did you deal with them?"

"You know, hurt them enough to learn their lesson then drop them to jail." Carol drinks her water, looking at Nat over the top of her glass to find a hint of a knowing smile on her lips. "After I got them to reimburse their victims, of course."

"Sounds like you had fun." Nat remarks.

"Well, fun is in short supply these days so I take whatever I'm given."

They talk for a while longer, dipping into periods of quiet in-between discussions of all the things that still need to get done. Finally, after deciding to focus their work on rehabilitation the next day, the two of them call it a night.

Except they don't.

Carol lingers by Nat's door, having walked side by side in the same route towards their respective rooms, unsure of what to say or why she's even doing this in the first place. She looks at Nat again, her half-smile still there as sharp and soft as Carol first saw it.

Carol does know exactly what she wants, she can see it reflected by the way Nat gazes back at her.

"It's not--" Carol starts, nearly stammering.

"I know," Nat assures her. "It doesn't have to be."

Not the first time that night, she notices the way Natasha's thin white shirt hugs her soft yet toned figure. Carol allows her eyes to roam.

She feels Nat step closer, entering her personal space for the first time since she arrived. Her hands grip her elbows firmly, but her gaze is soft and only a little broken. That gives Carol pause. She doesn't want to do this knowing how Nat is as fragmented by loss like Carol, despite how sure she is that this doesn't have to mean anything.

Before she can tell her that, though, Natasha's already pressing her lips against hers and Carol sighs against her mouth. Nat's kisses are nearly methodical, not like the sloppy ones Carol gets from her occasional trysts in bars from far corners in the galaxy. Her lips move in a graceful dance, one that only she knows, and it makes Carol forget even for just a moment.

She realizes, as Natasha pulls her into her room and shuts the door behind them, that they both crave a second to breathe, even when that means getting breathless under each other's hands.

* * *

They lie together in a tangle of limbs, neither of them able to fall asleep.

Nat sits up suddenly, resting her back against the bed's headboard with her knees drawn up to her chin. She looks so vulnerable like that, every inch of her skin bare and her eyes glazed with haunted stoicism. It doesn't make Nat weaker in her eyes, Carol knows what she's capable of. If anything, it makes her stronger.

Still, Carol's heart aches for her friend, but she doesn't know what to do or what to tell her. So she leans down to reach her discarded pants and pulls out a packet of cigarettes from the back pocket.

She offers one to Natasha, and she takes it with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't actually smoke." _Only when I'm on Earth when I'm reminded of what I've lost,_ she wants to say. Though Carol feels that she doesn't have to, not with Natasha.

"Me neither." Nat shrugs, placing the cigarette between her lips, the same lips that trailed Carol's skin less than an hour ago. Carol lights it with the tip of her finger before doing the same with her own.

Nat rolls her eyes. "Show off."

Carol inhales deeply, filling her lungs and allowing any residual tension to dissolve. She glances at Nat as smoke billows out in front of her when she finally lets a breath out.

"Smoking after sex." Carol chuckles lightly. "We're such cliches."

Nat breathes out a laugh before she stares off listlessly across the room again, a quiet settling between them. But it was warm, and welcome, and Carol's grateful for it.

Though Carol's not exactly disappointed when Nat finally breaks the silence after a while.

"What's she like?" she says abruptly, voice softer than Carol's ever heard it.

"Who?" Carol asks, knowing well that playing innocent won't work on Nat, that she can see through her walls.

"She must've been quite a woman." Nat turns to her this time. "If she can keep up with you."

"She didn't have to, I followed her around like a lost puppy."

Nat's full on smiling now. "I've met her, you know, through Fury. She's made quite a mark in SHIELD."

Pride swells in her chest. "Of course she did."

"Fury used to brag about Maria Rambeau, how she's the best pilot he's seen."

Carol smiles one more time before falling silent again. Her breathing becomes uneven and she's dragging from her cigarette desperately now. Tears swim in her eyes finally when Natasha's hand finds her own, lacing their fingers together to tell her that she's there, and that she understands. It's more sincere than any word she could've carefully chosen to say in that moment.

"I just wish I could've at least seen her again, one last time." Carol says, voice barely above a murmur, not bothering to cover how broken she sounds even to her own ears. "I got so used to knowing that they'll always be here."

Natasha squeezes her hand and leans in to press a kiss between her eyebrows, feather-light fingers wiping off the tears that escaped her eyes. Carol squeezes back and wishes she could erase that same defeated look settling perpetually in Natasha's stare.

* * *

The next day, they get up and do their job. They finish it sooner than planned, and Carol has to leave again.

She accepts Nat's hug. Carol wants to thank her, for everything, and for being a friend despite feeling as lost as she does. But again, she doesn't have to. Natasha knows.


End file.
